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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    PFO Points

    Default Not sure what to do with this "friend" of mine that I no longer want to be friends w/

    Growing up I had an extremely hard time making friends, I made very few friends that I actually hung out with later in life, all the way from elementary, through middle school, through high school, through college. There are only about 2 or 3 people I remain in contact with that I met during my childhood and young adult years. Usually if I hung out with anyone from my peer the bargain went like this, they got to disrespect and humiliate me as their own personal form of entertainment, and I, being desperate for social interaction, would actually put up with it so long as I got to hang out with members of my peer group. Not a good trade off, but I strongly desired friends regardless of the shitty ones that were the only ones willing to let me hang out with them.

    I am not a socially gifted person, I am horrible with trying to attract women. But my issues with socializing is not the point of this post. I actually met a man back in college who is far far far worse at socializing then I think any of us on this forum.

    HIs name is Steve, we go back to 2006, he told me he knew how to work on cars, and I had a car that I had modded for quartermile drag racing that needed attention from someone more mechanically inclined than myself. Cheap mechanic work is a great way to get on my good side because I freakin LOVE fine automobiles.

    I noticed he was a bit of an odd character. He wasn't normal. I'd argue that maybe he has a more severe version of autism than myself but it hasn't been diagnosed. One night we were installing a line lock on my MR2 Turbo so I could do burnouts at the track next time I took it, we're halfway through the project, I need the car to get to work in the morning, and we just need to finish the brake-line plumbing (so the car has brakes at least), and he just ups, and leaves. I try convincing him thoroughly to at least make the car driveable, he walks off with an unexplainable pissed off look on his face, no explanation, not a word or nothing, just pissed off and leaves me with a car that doesn't have working brakes. We started the night with a working car, we ended the night with a car that was undriveable and could have been finished in an hour or so just bleeding the brake lines and doing the plumbing on the line lock properly. Ok that was weird.

    I decided to overlook this, since I'm well past my drag racing days and this was some fault on my part, but he swore to me that putting 20w50 oil in my car would make it run really good. I was 21, I was naive at the time, he really earnestly encouraged me to put diesel truck motor oil in my high performance modifed turbocharged sports cars engine. Long story short, it wound up setting me back about $3,000. He did good work on non-crucial components of the car, but from now on I was not going to let him work on any part of the car that involved moving parts.

    If money becomes available to me again (which I have high hopes it will), only licensed dealership mechanics are working on my sports cars, not backyard amateur mechanics.

    Throughout the years he just had a way of doing these 100% socially intolerable things that would rub me the wrong way, and I'm about as tolerant as a person can get of personal flaws considering I use to let kids bully me as part of the deal of me hanging out with them (I've smartened up since then).

    This one time he gave me one of his prescription pills. I was naive, and I am NOT a pill popper, but I said ok, lets try it. No idea what it was, but it wound up knocking me out and leaving me with little to no energy for about a 24 hour time period. Thankfully it was a weekend and not during a work week so I didn't wind up losing pay while I was knocked out on this stupid pill he gave me. Told my parents about it, we now established that Steve was no longer allowed to provide me with any of his medication.

    This one time we were riding in the truck with my mom. My mom, she's a rather high class kind of person. She's got 2 masters degrees, once was working on a PHD, she was a professor at a college. She goes to symphonies, plays, she's politically involved in bettering the country, hell she's been invited to the governor's mansion before since she's a small time political donor, through her connections with her political party about 15 years ago we actually got to DRIVE the governor and his wife in a local parade. Not bragging, just giving you an idea of the kind of non-human trash people she hangs around.

    And Steve up and says outloud right in front of her "I think I want to try out Heroin." I just made the comment that that was a pretty stupid idea, since you'd be pretty much purchasing yourself an addiction you would have little control over and would wind up either making you completely bankrupt, killing you from an overdose, or making you a drug crazed addict who did petty crime to pay for his addiction that would land you in prison. What an absurd comment, to say in front of a friends mom no less. I could tolerate more if it was just between him and me, but in front of my mom?

    Ok, for a few years I had a problem with alcohol. Nothing too serious, but it wound up getting me two DWI's, thankfully no one got hurt due to my egregious driving errors, but that's besides the point. I had a substance abuse problem. Well he wasn't much of an alcohol drinker at all when I met him, very rarely he smoked marijuana and cigarettes and that's it, oh and he was really into pills. But I introduced him to the concept of getting shitfaced drunk once off cheap booze. He became a total boozehound after that. He had absolutely NO control over his alcoholism OR himself when he was on alcohol. He started drinking like a 5th a day, you know I felt a little bad that I was the one who introduced him to the idea of drinking for the explicit purpose of getting really really drunk, but I had no idea he had not one INKLING of self control over himself. Even as a repeat DWI offender, eventually I could manage to at least not make an ass of myself when I was under the influence.

    Steve was something else though. WE bought our cheap liquor for the night, and he got drunk and I got a buzz going. He says I'm hot I want to take off my shirt, I say ok. Well we have female guests of my parents upstairs, remember my mom and dad who like to go to plays and political conventions and symphonies and all that jazz. They're having their own friends over a woman from Kenya that has been a family friend of ours for 20 years, and a woman from Cuba that doesn't speak a word of English but that my dad really likes because he's been trying to learn Spanish for about 10 years now.

    Steve goes upstairs, 3 sheets to the wind drunk, no shirt on, and starts hitting on the Cuban lady RIGHT in front of everyone. It was so incredibly inappropriate. Dad made him go downstairs and put his shirt on. Now I know this next thing, I know is a bit like the pot calling the kettle black but at least I'm honest about my past. I was not planning on Steve spending the night at my house after he pretty much embarassed himself and made everyone at the house think he was a weirdo by hitting on the Cuban lady.

    He drives home totally shitfaced drunk, and I made it clear to him before he left that #1 his behavior was completely inappropriate, and #2, if he gets pulled over in his current state HE IS GETTING ARRESTED. I mean yea when I was stupid and had never gotten a DWI, I use to treat drinking and driving more carefree than I should have and that's a screw up on my part, I'm no angel, but he actually came to our house in his own car, got shitfaced drunk, and then had no plan on how to get back home while he was shitfaced drunk but to drive back home. Whatever.

    From that day forth, if he was going to get stone cold shitfaced drunk at our house, we were going to do the right thing and let him sleep it off first and not put the public at risk.

    This in and of itself created it's own problems. Either he had a weak stomach, or he drank himself to oblivion unlike me. No less than 3x did he throw up at our house while drunk. He drank himself to the point that he got alcohol poisoning and puked. And I can put up with that to some extent, IF YOU CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. He did not clean up after himself ONE TIME. Whenever he puked, he had already left the house by the time we figured out our trashcan stunk like shit, leaving me and dad to clean up after his throwup, and the beer bottles and cheap liquor bottles strewn about our basement.

    BTW, on the few times I went to his house, he was a total slob. He just threw his trash on the ground and wherever. His house was disgusting. Part of the reason I'd have him over to my house as opposed to his, was because his house was so damn trashed up. His "room" was covered in trash. His car, if we decided to drive in it, he just put the trash in the back and passenger seat and on the floorboards. He never cleaned up after himself. I can put up with him being a slob, I just look past it in an attempt to be friends with him, but yea I mean even I have the sense to throw my trash in the trash can rather than live in filth.

    This other time, he wants to go out drinking again. Knowing Steve, he has an ability to drink, you know, literally 30 alcoholic beverages in a night and somehow NOT pass out. His alcoholism was so bad, he actually got inflammation of the Pancreas and had to go to the ER on maybe 1 or 2 occasions, but not at my house. But that's besides the point, just giving you an idea on how much this guy drinks. He was drunk when he drove over to our house in his car, I decide to help save him the trouble of the DWI bullshit I was going through at the time and be his designated driver for the night. I had nothing to drink. He proceeds to drink, I dunno, maybe 8 or so alcoholic beverages, he offers me one, but as the designated driver I turn his offer down and decide to just drink an energy drink on his dime instead.

    We went to a bar where I was loosely acquainted with a few of the female bartenders and waitresses, I do a little bit of magic on the side to try and introduce myself to people and entertain them. He's telling me how much he likes this ones tits, and that ones ass, and the prettiest waitress in the bar is doing her job, and him in his shitfaced drunken state absolutely CAN NOT take his eyes off her. Luckily we get out of there without him making a scene though, ok so he knows how to not commit a sexual offense, that's good.

    We get in my car, he tells me he wants to drink MORE. I'm like, whatever, I'm probably saving someones life tonight by being the designated driver. Well as a former alcoholic, I had a favorite gas station, where the employees, were basically my closest to actual friends I had. Part of why I went to the gas station to buy booze so often was also for the social interaction with the young gas station workers who treated me extremely well and were genuinely super nice people. And the one working that night was Jen. She is one of the absolute NICEST people I've ever met. We hit it off when I met her, because she loved my hamsters that I'd bring up to work just as much as I did. She was an extremely nice, soft spoken, Christian girl, I'm an Athiest but I can appreciate her being brought up in a nice Christian household and would always be on my best behavior around her.

    I bring Steve into the gas station, I let her know that my friend is extremely drunk but just wants to buy alcohol. As he's buying his alcohol in his drunken stupor, he proceeds to request of her to marry him so she can suck his dick, so that he can fuck her, so he can see her tits, and that his penis is very large. I am in utter shock of his actions around her. I don't go to my favorite gas station to let my friends verbally sexually assault the gas station clerks and then I have to act as getaway car. Somehow I got out of there with Steve without him making things any worse.

    I did wind up going back to the gas station and profusely apologizing for bringing him to her work, and I had no idea he was going to so blatantly sexually harass her right in front of her and my face. I don't know what to do though, if I brought up with him that he acted completely inappropriately at the gas station he'd just shrug it off as "Oh I was just trying to get some play" (his word for sex I guess) or "Oh, she's a gas station attendant, I'm sure she gets drunken customers who do that to her all the time". I absolutely can not criticize this dude, without him making outlandish claims that I'm the one who's being "repressed' and "too uptight"

    See that's another issue with Steve. He has an EXTREMELY HIGH OPINION OF HIMSELF. He thinks he is god's gift to women, and that he can do no wrong around women, because in his younger, thinner, non-alcoholic, better looking days, he actually could meet a woman once in a while and romance her. So when I'm on facebook and I have a facebook friend who is an attractive young lady, we're talking about one topic, Steve comes in and says "boobs" on her facebook post for no reason, which proceeds to piss her off because it's a sexually inappropriate facebook comment to make randomly on somoene elses wall.

    There is one girl in my life that I hold dear. She's not a girlfriend, a lover or anything beyond a friend, but if I had the opportunity to marry her I would. And that's my Prom date. I love the girl I went to prom with, just because she was the only girl from my high school days who actually spent any time with my lonesome self, when I had virtually no other friends, she was very pretty, extremely fun to be around, introduced me to some interesting people and her family. She was a genuinely great person even though sometimes I was not that good of a friend to her. I still see her from time to time to this day, because I genuinely like her as a person.

    I hadn't seen this girl for several years, when I saw her for the first time in say 8 years or so. She invited me to a barbecue at a park. It's got a swimming pool, so she has her swimming suit top on. From high school onwards, she was gifted you might say, with I estimate DD breast size and a slim figure. Well she took pics that day and one was of her and me in her swimming suit top casually talking. She tags me in the pic. Steve on facebook takes notice of this pic and says on HER FACEBOOK PIC "My god! Look at those tits!"

    My Prom date is a bit off limits for Steve, but he would bring her up and constantly push boundaries with me over her. He'd always be interested in what me and my prom date were up to and what he could do to hang out with me and her. I knew he would just sexually harass her if I brought him around her, so I just played it off that we had no plans or anything. He'd come up with ideas like watching some movie about Richard Kuklinski, this mafia serial murderer of about 300 people that he idolizes, and me and him and her could go on some kind of date and watch his movie with him, even though that's not the kind of thing that me or her are really into.

    Finally he went one step too far.

    We invited him over to my house. I had some expensive alcohol, and some cheap alcohol. Steve asked if he could have some, I just told him to hit up the cheap bottle since it was only $6. It was a lapse in judgement because I had forgotten how Steve has absolutely no control over his alcoholism. A "little" alcohol to him, is 3/4's of a 5th of 80's proof, which I discovered no less than 10 minutes later, was what he drank and why all of a sudden he had been acting so weird around me, my family, and my brothers girlfriend.

    The family, the brother and the girlfriend went to a 4th of July party, and he made some casual remark about wanting to see my brother's girlfriends' tits, she's a good looking woman I'd say. I found this to be disrespectful of my brothers significant other but it's Steve, I'd come to expect it by then.

    Then he begged and pleaded with me to call up my prom date which he knew I liked a lot. I acquiesced to his demands because I'm trying to keep my house guest happy. While I'm talking to her on the phone, he's making overt sexual innuendo's about her and me, and it gets to the point that I'm so distracted by Steve I can't even think about what we're talking about, so I told her I had to go and hung up. Steve then proceeds to get mad at ME for hanging up on her, because he thought he was trying to be funny making all those sexual innuendos, suggesting doggy style sex and blow jobs and whatever and I wasn't really into it at all. He thought like, my house, where my family stays, is some Frat house where he can let his rampant sexual desires be known to me. I call him a sex offender who hasn't been caught yet. We proceed to get very angry at each other and spend the next 2 hours yelling at each other and I told him straight up that I will NEVER NOT IN A MILLION YEARS BRING HIM AROUND MY PROM DATE.

    We broke it off for then, that was about a year ago. Well he somehow crept back into my life, and I decided to be nice. By this time I had moved about 1,500 miles away so Steve was going to become a very small part of my life from here on out, but I guess I'd talk to him on the PC and stuff. It finally comes back to today, he knows I'm coming back to come to our 2nd house, and he mentioned coming back over to my place if he just refrained from drinking alcohol. I told him basically he is the flat out worst house guest we've EVER HAD at our house, and he's not allowed over anymore. He then proceeds to get mad at me, and my family, and he hates my dad for not allowing him to come over to our house anymore. If I tried bringing any of his past transgressions up, he'd criticize me and my dad for thinking he did anything wrong. He gets so defensive when you even try to constructively criticize him, the man literally does no wrong in his opinion.

    So he knows I'm coming back to town, he knows we don't want him over at his house. I think I made it pretty clear why we don't like him coming over to our house anymore, I mentioned dad didn't much care for cleaning up his throw up on no less than 3 different occaisions and cleaning up all the trash and beer bottles he'd fail to put in the recycling bin when he left the next morning after a night of heavy drinking. He'd trash up our place just like he trashed up his room.

    Here's the one last issue that kinda scares me and I'm done writing. Once I was trying to find a wholesome activity me and him do to pass the time. I introduced him to firearms as for awhile I was a firearms enthusiast. Steve is one of the worst people around firearms I have ever met. He seemed to have no respect for them as deadly weapons.

    One night he comes over, to get shitfaced drunk again of course, but also to show me some firearms he inherited. He shows them to me while he's drinking, then PROCEEDS TO LOAD ONE WITH LIVE AMMUNITION RIGHT IN MY OWN BASEMENT. We're not at a shooting range! I tell him what the fuck are you doing and get those god damn bullets out of his gun, and he's all like "Oh I just want to show you how my gun cycles through rounds". Whatever. I tell dad the next morning, and dad, trying to help me maintain a friendship, says Steve is simply banned from bringing firearms over to our house, but can still come over (this was a year before I moved out 1,500 miles away, so this should have probably gone in the middle of my post). Steve gets all pissed off with me "Some friend you are, you're a fucking snitch and a rat on your own friend." and He called me a moron and I'm all like "Dude, you were shitfaced drunk loading live ammunition in my household!" It took him a few days but even he had to admit he fucked up on that one.

    His relationship with firearms since I introduced them to him, has not been healthy. When he got his first gun, he'd reenact movie scenes with his handgun, he had a particular like for the film "Stand by me" where the young boy says to the bully ace while holding the Colt .45 1911 (Ace says "What are you gonna do, shoot us all?) To which the boy replies "No Ace, just you." Steve had this, I dunno, fantasy, where he thought basically owning a firearm turned him into some kind of "Free-lance Police Officer" and he would tell me he can't wait for the day he gets to use his gun on an armed robbery suspect. I being a Criminal Justice major told him that if he wants to use his firearm in a self-defense scenario, then he should move to the most crime ridden inner city ghetto our city has to offer, because he won't find very many self defense scenarios living in a very sparsely populated, rural and very low crime area. I hated to burst his "My gun will make me a hero someday" dream, but I was just being real.

    Anyways I know it was a super long post. I told Steve today he's no longer welcome at our house, and he proceeds to think that WE'RE the ones who are out of line. I'm a super tolerant person, I put up with a lot of shit from people when attempting to make friends, because I struggled to make friends my entire life, but what does the people on this forum think of my situation? I chose to let this forum know because it's a tight knit community and you guys seem like genuinely nice people.

  2. #2
    Master Sergeant User475's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Rochester, NY
    PFO Points


    Damn man you've got to get your life together. Get rid of negative bs as well. If you don't want to deal with him then tell him you dont want to talk to him anymore it's time to part ways, simple as that. If that doesn't work be a little more assertive about showing him you're serious. And then if that doesn't work get a restraining order, or give him a black eye, I don't know. I've honestly weeded out the friends I didn't want by being honest about them being a dick etc., don't talk to me anymore?

    Surround yourself with better people, it'll do you some good. And I would think that if you can't find a job in your field of study. It just might be time to rethink your career choice.

    I skipped thru a lot of it. No offence but it was a rather long post and I'm getting ready go to sleep. Maybe I'll pass back thru it in full another time. But I'm sure my opinion will remain unchanged.

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