1st one insta call right, ace of diamondds play right?

2nd one, I figured I'd push turn to maximize fold equity, but wait a minute its the fucking 1c/2c, what fold equity? Should I just be checking the turn there?

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (9 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: ITH Forums)

Hero ($2.97)
MP2 ($4.66)
MP3 ($2.15)
CO ($2.39)
Button ($4.09)
SB ($8.36)
BB ($1.82)
UTG ($4.95)
UTG+1 ($4.54)

Preflop: Hero is MP1 with , .
2 folds, Hero raises to $0.1, 1 fold, MP3 calls $0.10, CO calls $0.10, 1 fold, SB calls $0.09, 1 fold.

Flop: ($0.42) , , (4 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $0.3, MP3 folds, CO folds, SB raises to $8.26, Hero calls $2.57 (All-In).

Turn: ($11.55) (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($11.55) (2 players, 1 all-in)

Final Pot: $11.55

Results in white below:
SB has As Kd (flush, king high).
Hero has Qs Qd (flush, queen high).
Outcome: SB wins $11.55.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (7 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: ITH Forums)

Hero ($3.30)
MP2 ($4.38)
CO ($1.75)
Button ($2.96)
SB ($12.57)
BB ($12.17)
UTG ($1.45)

Preflop: Hero is MP1 with , .
UTG calls $0.02, Hero raises to $0.1, 3 folds, SB calls $0.09, BB calls $0.08, UTG calls $0.08.

Flop: ($0.40) , , (4 players)
SB checks, BB checks, UTG checks, Hero bets $0.3, SB calls $0.30, BB calls $0.30, UTG folds.

Turn: ($1.30) (3 players)
SB checks, BB checks, Hero bets $2.9 (All-In), SB folds, BB calls $2.90.

River: ($7.10) (2 players, 1 all-in)

Final Pot: $7.10

Results in white below:
BB has 9c Kc (one pair, nines).
Hero has Ks As (high card, ace).
Outcome: BB wins $7.10.

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Could god microwave a burrito so hot, that he himself could not eat it?

This table is full of calling stations, Id raise more pre-flop at this table with both hands 6-8 xBB.

1st hand, I call

2nd hand, prob check turn and call up to a pot sized bet. (your not scaring this calling station away with a semi-bluff).

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"On a large enough time line, the survival rate of a Donk will drop to zero."

First hand's fine except with 3 to act behind, I'd overbet the pot to get all the money in, but that was done for you. Nothing either of you could do there.

Second hand's just bad luck. I wanna say to raise more preflop, but opening the pot for more than 5x puts a lot of your stack in the middle. Looks good to me. Sucks no one bet in front of you. I don't get that at all. That's just bad poker. I'd normally say to check/raise the 1st hand, but they don't bet and if they did, they'd min. bet.

This make you feel better?

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are you implying that I had my hand in the cookie jar. Cuz if you were, I'm leaving this forum, offensive shit.

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Could god microwave a burrito so hot, that he himself could not eat it?

That's a flower pot. I'm not sure what that means or why it should cheer anyone up. Unless you're a member of the Carr family.

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... can't sleep, blinds will eat me ...