The Unofficial Guide to Aquatic Life of the Poker World:
This is a fun guide to the different types of “fish” and fish related terms found at the poker table. Feel free to suggest additional entries.
FISH SPECIES:
SALMON: The salmon spends most of his life swimming upstream searching for that perfect spot on the river. Failure to find that spot on the river leads his quick demise. Unfortunately, if he does find his spot on the river, it can foster the procreation of more salmon.
Question, “Salmon, you called raises before the flop, on the flop, the turn and the river. The board was A Q 8 3 6. What were you thinking?”
Salmon says, “I had pocket Fives. Imagine my surprise when he turned over Ace, Queen.”
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FLUSHIE: A very common species, the Flushie expects to win every pot with a flush or sometimes a straight. Seems to think there are 27 cards of his suit still in the deck.
Quote, “Pot odds? Never heard of it.”
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SWORDFISH: If Aces were swords, the Swordfish motto would be, “Live by the sword, die by the sword.” An ace in the hole to the Swordfish is like a winning lotto ticket. He will play his ace like the nuts.
Quote, “There was a raise and a re-raise ahead of me. I looked at my cards and I had A3o, so I went all-in.”
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KINGFISH: A close cousin of the Swordfish, the Kingfish will play any painted card. K2, Q8, J5… all worth seeing the flop. Scientists suspect that the bright colors of painted cards have a chemical effect on the Kingfish’s brain.
Quote, “The button raised 5BB and so I called with J7o. The flop comes A K J rainbow. Ha, ha, jackpot!! I’m betting this one.”
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HAMMERHEAD: Though a rare breed, the Hammerhead is not a savvy player. He knows only one move – the all-in. Check raise and value bet are foreign terms to the Hammerhead.
Quote, “On TV, I saw Mike Matusow go all in with K5. So when I got dealt K6 I was all-in baby!!!”
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NOOK: A species from the Dr. Seuss classic “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish” (originally titled “Diamond Fish, Heart Fish, Spade Fish, Club Fish”), the Nook is a sentimental favorite. A Nook will play any two suited cards, from any position, against any raise.
Question, “Nook, you cracked his Aces with Ten-Four of hearts. How could you call his big PF bet and all-in on the flop with Ten-Four?
Nook replies (all together now), “THEY WERE SOOOOTED!”
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FISH RELATED TERMS:
FISH & CHIPS FEAST: Have you ever been at a table with a total fish who gets lucky once or twice and becomes the chip leader. Then he starts to donk off all of his chips to everyone. You sit there waiting for a hand so you can get your piece of the pie. That player, my friends, is what I call a Fish & Chips Feast.
Then after this fish is short-stacked again, you think the meal is over. But all of a sudden he’s in a three way all-in and rivers his straight. Woo-Hoo! It’s time for seconds!
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FISH FRY: This is a name to give to WotaWaster’s new hobby, found
here . To paraphrase, its when you keep betting every street, getting called every time. The goal of the Fish Fry is to leave the fish with as little as possible without busting him. Kind of like hooking a fish through the eye, keeping it in a bucket of water for 5 hours in the blazing sun, and then tossing it back because its too small to eat. That fish ain’t gonna live another five minutes.
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CATCH OF THE DAY: Busting out one of the noted species with JJ (fishhooks).
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Obviously, it’s a slow day at the office for me. But I hope you find this post entertaining. Feel free to post your encounters with these noted species (and of course reference them in the river rats forum).
The Unofficial Guide to Poker Fish
I fall in love with those bad boyos all the time!
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