I just say something like "man, that was a heartbreaker" or "nice resuck"

I used to go chat crazy, now I mostly ignore it.

when I make comments now, I try to do it with homur.

Table ranting is -EV . . . . .

If they get pissed at me, I just say, "oh, I'm new. What should I have done"

then as the whole table tries to coach me, I'm typing away notes on those mutherfuckers . . . . thanks for telling me exactly how you play!!!

Use their idiocy to your advantage. If they won't coach you, then I usually try to put them on tilt with a "well, you deserved to lose since you suck anyway . . . "

They then either tell you how they play "You're an ass for raising to x when I ___", or they just tilt away, or both.

Either way, I'm there to take all their chips, not earn their respect.

Repeat after me: "I'm a cold blooded killer, I'm a cold blooded killer, . . . "

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Jason75: Ok, you check and the button bets 400. Now what?
Beavis68: You play poker.
Jason75: Darn, I was really hoping for canasta. Maybe Gin.