Three poker-players were sitting at the bar in the casino.
“I should know that I drink since I’m happy.
The second said:
“I drink since I am unhappy.”
And the third said:
“And I drink since the morning.”


„Homes, you astound me! How did you know that that guy on the “button” plays loose aggressive on 12 tables?”


An inveterate drunkard said:
„When I get drunk I cannot play, because I only see straights and flushes. I really should stop it!”
„Stop what, playing?”
„No - drinking !!”



Some kids were playing at the playground. One of them, a boy, said:
„When I grow up, I will become a mobster and I will buy a Maybach 57 S like that one.”
Another boy also said:
„And I will become a lawyer and buy a Porsche Carrera GT like that one!”
Finally, a little girl said:
„And I will learn to play cards just like my big brother, who owns both of those cars.”

My Poker Jokes
This is the world's largest (and hopefully funniest) poker jokes and stories collection

Originally Posted by ImNotSpecial

Man comes home from a private poker game and says to his wife
'Honey pack your bags,youve gotta go', she replies 'whats the matter whats happend?'
The man announces 'Ive lost you in a game of poker'
Wife: 'How did you do that?!?!'
Husband: 'It wasnt easy, i had to muck a royal flush'

This one isnt bad

A man hears a voice…that tells him “Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las Vegas.” He ignores it. The next day he hears the same voice telling him “Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las Vegas.” He ignores it. On a third day, he hears the voice again; saying “Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las Vegas.” He finally obeys.

Upon arriving in Las Vegas, the voice says, “Go to the Rio.” He does.

At the Rio, the voice says, “Put your last $10,000 on a WSOP entry.” He does.

The first hand of the tournament, the man is dealt A A. “Go all in,” commands the voice. He does and gets three callers. The flop is J T 9. “F*%$!” says the voice.

How do you get a pro poker player off your front porch?


Pay him for the pizza!

haha some good jokes here! made me smile