Well there is plenty of times i need a good joke to cheer me up and I'm sure others do too so here it is I have a few good ones I wanna share too.

A blonde has just brought a brand new torch red Ferrari and is driving down the freeway and cuts off a truckie the truckie tells her to pull over and the blonde does so. the truckie gets out with a baseball bat and a piece of chalk the truckie draws and circle on the ground tells the blonde to get out stand in the circle and dont move the truckie turned back to the car and started smashing all the windows and when he was done he turned around to find the blonde laughing the truckie turned back to the car and started ripping out all the seats when he looked back to the blonde she was laughing even harder so the truckie returned to his truck and came back with some petrol he emptied the petrol into the car and set it a light when he turn back to the blonde expecting her to be crying she was rolling on the floor laughing the truckie was furious and he asked the blonde what is so dam funny i have just completely ruined ur car and ur laughing the blonde replies well every time u turn around i step outside the circle.

Punctuation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Originally Posted by Pinguaq

Punctuation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

^^^^
See, he's got jokes.

Originally Posted by triple-t

^^^^
See, he's got jokes.

A Rabbi and a Priest were at a wedding and ended up seated together. They were making uncomfortable conversation when a young boy was walking by and bent over to pick something up. The priest says "I'd sure like to screw him." The Rabbi looks at him curiously and asks "Out of what?"

Originally Posted by Pinguaq

A Rabbi and a Priest were at a wedding and ended up seated together. They were making uncomfortable conversation when a young boy was walking by and bent over to pick something up. The priest says "I'd sure like to screw him." The Rabbi looks at him curiously and asks "Out of what?"

^ i lo fucking l'd

I was waiting at a hotel reception desk the other day, and the old guy checking-in in front of me said "I hope the porn channel is disabled"
Honestly, the stuff people are in to.

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.

Three vampires walk into a bar......

The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."

The second one says, "I'll have one, too."

The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."

The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

Originally Posted by Crundy

I was waiting at a hotel reception desk the other day, and the old guy checking-in in front of me said "I hope the porn channel is disabled"
Honestly, the stuff people are in to.

Haha, this took me a second. Good one.

Originally Posted by Pinguaq

A Rabbi and a Priest were at a wedding and ended up seated together. They were making uncomfortable conversation when a young boy was walking by and bent over to pick something up. The priest says "I'd sure like to screw him." The Rabbi looks at him curiously and asks "Out of what?"

This is great. It occurs to me that it could be made a little more subtle like this, but I don't know if that makes it more or less funny:

A Rabbi and a Priest were at a wedding and ended up seated together. They were making uncomfortable conversation when a young boy was walking by and bent over to pick up a quarter that was lying on the ground. The priest says "I'd sure like to screw him." The Rabbi looks puzzled and says "It's just a quarter..."

Maybe it's not quite right, as it implies that the rabbi isn't cheap enough to care about a quarter... but I can't think of a better way to phrase the punch line. "I saw it first" is too subtle, as it's only the pronoun that indicates he's talking about the quarter... "Maybe if it was a loonie*" will confuse many people because they'll think he's talking about paying for sex. Anything else I can think of is too many words, though.

There has to be a way to make it work...

*: Canadian one-dollar coin