POTY: I am quitting poker for an undetermined ammount of time, maybe forever
Warning: I wouldn't read this. Its just a huge rant. need to get it off my chest though, what better way than an anonymous internet forum. theres some short cliff's at the bottom. enjoy
I make ace high calls all the time. Well not all the time, but when I think ace high is good I have no fear to call with what is normally the losing hand, so I call. Plenty of times I'm wrong calling with ace high, as most people are. However I've never been fucking wrong with a queen or king high call. Ever.
I think I'm a great player. I feel that I am an extremely strong live cash game and multi table tournament player, and I'm not too shabby at online ring or sngs. I have won plenty of money playing, and have made many great friends who also play the game.
I love the feeling of walking into the poker room. Everyone knows my name, or has at least seen me cash out a mountain of red chips once or twice. and most people have a respect for me that I've never felt in anything else. I can't count on my two hands the times that someone has told me that I am by far the best player they have ever seen(live obv). My parents used to hate poker until one of my dads coworkers (unknown to me) played with me for about 2 months straight in a live 2/5 game. He told my dad every day at work that I was fearless aggressive and he had never seen anyone play poker like I played it. I'm not kidding.
I used to love poker. I used to love this respect I got, the way I played, the money, and the fact that I've never had a real job in my entire life.
I used to love poker a lot. It all started when my shitty grades and decent ACT scores somehow got me into a 4 year school. I was dating a girl at the time, I had been for about 1.5 years, and she was great. She was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. We met when we were 16/15 and we had never dated anyone else. She walked onto the school bus one day and as gay as this sounds it was probably love at first sight. So we end up dating and basically spending every day together you know how it all goes. It was pretty fucking magical
So then I go to college, 1.5 hours away. She was pretty fucking pissed but my parents were telling me I had to go, so I went. At first it was fine, I came home weekends and called her, but more and more I would travel to the Indian casino which was minutes away from the school. Then it started happening.
I kinda changed into a different person. This girl, honestly who is probably a 9.5/10 and the nicest person ive ever met, every night, wouldn't go out with her friends, wouldn't drink or have fun, she would just sit at home and wait for me to call her. But since I had a pretty sick gambling problem, I would simply lie to her say I was busy, and gamble. Then after gambling, I usually lost, so I would drink. I became angry and irritable, and for about a semester this went on until I had to drop out of school cause I was failing. Rather than do my work and talk to the love of my life, I was obsessed with drinking, smoking pot, and playing poker.
So I got kicked out of that school, and came back home and went to community college. Things got a lot better. We still dated but there were problems now because of the shit I put her through. She lost trust in me and since I am a controlling obsessive jealous freak I didn't trust her, even though I had no reason not to. It just got worse and worse, and my obsession with playing poker turned into my obsession with winning at poker, because i actually started getting good. However the better I got, the more upset I got when I lost. I couldnt handle losing and I still cant. So I would drink, and do stupid stuff. Once I posted something on 2p2 about how i got drunk and freaked out and scared my gf so bad she wouldn't talk to me for a while. I promised her it wouldn't happen again but at a recent new years party it did. Not only did I lose complete control of myself I got my ass kicked by 3 guys, put in the hospital, and the next morning learned that the girl I used to devote every second of my life to no longer wanted to be with me anymore.
So here I am sitting in front of my computer. I just put my poker books in a box and burned them, and I'm cashing out from online as we speak. As bad as this sounds, I mean honestly I am going to sound like a total pussy, but this girl is still in love with me (we talked about getting married like 6 months before this happened) but she doesn't think she can be with me because I am a obsessive, compulsive, degenerate gambler, with an alcohol problem. I might not get her back, but if I want to get her back and actually have a shot at having a decent life, I need to stop playing poker, smoking, drinking, for a long, long time. Maybe forever.
So thats it, thats my story about how im a fucking loser who took the one pure, amazing thing i actually had in life for granted and fucking blew it.
Right now i cant play poker because all i feel like doing is flips for 10k. and i dont have many 10k's to flip with. Im probably gonna put a down payment on a house and a nice car with my poker money, and since im doing real estate in school work for my mom who does real estate for a living.
I've said it before to people and ill say it again. This story may seem pathetic or w/e, or stupid because i am losing my mind over my first girlfriend, but:
There are worse things in life than losing at poker. Poker is a stupid game, and I used to think it challenged my mind. but all it does is fuck with it. it turned me into a jealous, compulsive addict, and it ruined the one great thing i had. and now the girl i am madly in love with has told me she loves me, but she needs to learn how to be single, and have some space from me. I would give every dollar I have to have her back, but i cant. SO im gonna do the next best thing, and play for the long run, which is a life and not me being some drug addict addicted gambler. my mind isnt right for poker, at least not right now.
i dont even know what i said or if that makes any sense.
cliff notes:
poker and alcohol make me drop out of school and lose the girl i love. i decide there are finer things in life than gambling, so i quit
peace guys
Last edited by tightagressive; 03-12-2008 at 10:46 AM.
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